Well, after that day school became hell for me. I made no contact whatsoever with anyone. I rarely even answered when teachers spoke to me. Recess for me is going to the library, because nobody would think of talking to a reading stranger. It became such a bore that I loathe going to school.
That was until one day, when something happened. The teacher for that period was not in, and the seat next to me was empty because the jackass in it was on leave. I was reading something totally ridiculous, chemistry for undergraduates. Its not like I get pleasure from reading, but as long as I pretend to be reading, nobody would approach me and talk. As asshole-ish as my classmates are, they respect people's needs for study. Even if a nerd with 'bully me' flashing all round his bespectacled head is reading or doing homework, he won't be bothered.
Or so I thought. In the middle of all the noise of the various groupies chatting and some kids playing futsal with a bottle at the back of the class, I can hear somebody approach. I flipped a page to show that I'm reading.
He sat right next to me. I know it was a 'he' because it's an all-male school. I pretended not to notice, and flipped a few more pages, pretending to look for something. And then he spoke.
"You know, I like sitting next to you. It's so peaceful,"
I was hoping he was talking to somebody else, but after a few moments, I realized that it was me he was talking to. Dumbed by the unexpected greeting, I said nothing but looked at him. It was the school's rugby captain. Probably the alpha male here. I wondered where his group is. I looked around and saw that they were discussing something rather audibly.
We said nothing more. He just sat there, head on the desk, relaxing, and I continued my fake reading. But somehow, I felt comfortable with this.
The next day he came again. Well, it was after the finals and teachers didn't bother to come in anyway. He introduced himself and we talked a bit. He was the first person I know that recognizes silence as a part of conversation. We'd talk, and suddenly we'd stop, then start again at the takeoff point. It was like listening to lazy people talking. In fact, that's what I call it: lazy chatting.
Over time we became friends, and as our friendship strengthened, I found that befriending him was different than befriending Ed. Befriending him slowly dissolves my barrier towards other people. Maybe it's because he's somebody in this short high school life, or maybe it's because the way he behaves, but I found that you don't need to be alone.
He introduced me to his friends, and I met them with pleasure. Other people started to approach me and we became friends. But still, somehow, I never did get myself a clique. I have a lot of friends, but I hang out alone. And the captain sometimes hung out with me, but we are alone. Maybe because it was the quality that made him talk to me in the first place: peaceful solitary.
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